End of 2010

又是1年年终时!很曲折的1年啊,唉,泪水多余欢笑,因为无人分享.曲终人散时,还是我1个人.总体来说,I have a job, have the VISA I need. In this kind of economy, not too bad! 33 days to go, I can be with my family :0)

树欲静而风不止，子欲养而亲不待

一早打开电脑，就收到妈妈的消息，晴天霹雳---爷爷去世。早在1年前就发生了（2009/11/25）。也不知道是不是真的，就算是昨天刚发生，她都可能说1年前，为了减轻我的悲伤。可是那一刻，还是泪如泉涌，曾经多少次做梦的景象，每次我都会从梦中哭醒，妈妈就在我身边，告诉我一切都是梦，大家都好好的，现在，我一个人，在异国他乡，虽然时过境迁，可是往事历历在目。从小，爷爷对我的关爱，还清晰可见，可是他的音容笑貌已渐渐模糊。身为他唯一的孙女，还没来得及好好报答他，尽尽孝道，还没来得及让他见见孙女婿，他就这么走了。真的难以想象，去年我临行前，8月还去探望过他，拍了好多照片，过了3个月怎么就不行了呢！真的好自责，连爷爷最后一眼都没见到，时隔一年，还没能去爷爷坟头上一炷香。我想美国太远了吧，所谓的在天之灵应该不适用，如果可以的话，爷爷，您一定要原谅我啊！如果有来世，请让我找到你啊！

You never know what will happen tomorrow

Things are really unpredictable with DM, last week this time, I was desperate.... hard to breath... Today, I get an offer back, feel better, but still down!!!
Lesson 1: Never forget what he did to me, never forget how sad I was on 26th Oct. In future, if I have chance, I will definetly pay him back without any emotion!!!
Lesson 2: Never give up on anyone, even it's the person you hate. The person who can kill you can save you!

Everything ends today

Well, today is the end of our story, short fondness! comes fast, goes fast! we are the same kind of person, difference is he is the boss and does things very irrational, get upset and pissed off for his business failure. And tried my best and worked my best, but it just doesn't work out as I expected, so there is nothing I can do. When I came into the company, he is the only person I love, when I left the company, he is the only person I hate. Dramatic, isn't it??! But anyway, he is nice to me at the beginning and generous in salary, and hope we can get my work visa, that can cover a little of my pain!
Life is a box of chocalate, you will never know what you get later. And I have to move on, searching for the new opportunity and maximize my value. When God closes one door, there must be another window opened... Hope I can find the window soon.

long time

是我孤单太久，一个人承担太多。忘了家的味道，只是思念不时侵袭，无法抵御！瞬时倾泻。不知还要承担多久，还能承受多久。至少，还能没底线的发泄！

sick of people I loved

Don't know why I can get sooooooo mad of the people I love deeply. 这个是不是爱之深,恨之切.还是当初爱他是建立在根本不了解得基础上.或者是他的性格是在难以捉摸,为什么同一个人可以有那么大的区别.昨天看相的时候还是好好的,是最近1星期最开心的一天,今天又很难过,欲加之罪.我觉得好无辜,什么事都没做,被他用尖酸刻薄的话责备.i'm done with him, so sick of him, more than my love. 终于感觉自己当初做了错的决定,不过想想在学校工作也不一定会开心.我还是比较喜欢那种美国的大型企业的,getting stronger with great competititors. OK, looking for a job!!!
好想回中国,回到让我幸福的地方,有家有朋友有钱有好玩的东西.美国,别人的天堂,家朋友好吃的好玩的,快乐幸福,离我好远啊.

You are the only reason

You are the only reason I'm working here, if there is anything happened to you, I'm not sure where I'm driving to. These two days, you went out for business, really miss you, so much :( I need you both in work and personal.
It doesn't matter how much money I make, the only thing I miss the happiness. You are the only person in this strange country could make me smile, from bottom of the heart. I know it's not right, but I wish you don't have some parts of your life now, I wish everything in between us are true, wish you love me as much as I love you.

continue last one

I don't know what desicion others would make, for me, I picked A. Because I know, I'm going to love the job and love him forever, maybe forever is too long, let's make it "as long as I can remember". Hope it's true, other way around.
Since I first picked B, and living like torturing life for 1-2 weeks, I know where my heart wants to go. It's not an easy desicion, because I'm putting my future as stake. I bet we could win. Whenever and Forever. The moment, I desided to be here, I want 2 things, self-realization and U.
I'm totally reseased when I convinced myself that I should stay in the company, though, it's little tiny company, at least it has potential to grow. For most important, I got you back :)

a story with two men

A: sweet, nice, handsome, gentle, low start, risky. Exact dream boy, besides the money part, acctually, it's not that bad, but not high level. You are living normal, but happy with him. Seeing him everything is nothing but happiness. Talking to him is nothing but sweetness.

B:Promising future life, stable, no super rich, no extreme poor. No dangerous, good husband type. Can give you whatever you want, maybe except the feeling part, but life is not just love, it's also something practical.

Both are good to you, the only difference is, A is touching your heart, towards B is only gratitute. Which one do you pick?! I might choose B, but loving A to death...

Crazy job picker is still struggling .....

twisted..

事情真的变得好复杂，没工作很惨，有2个相当好的工作也很痛苦……
昨天从学校知道工作签证通过那一刻，我真的希望这个消息是假的（听起来不可思议），可是当我看到邮件，真的泣不成声，不是因为高兴，而是因为想着就快离开公司了，很舍不得。一边很伤心，一边很高兴得给校长写感谢信，一边很痛苦的给老板写辞呈。想到以后再也不能和他一起开心的工作，好难过……不过理智的一面，告诉我，一定要去学校……于是开始绞尽脑汁例举辞职的理由，零零落落写了3个，实在想不出来了，这三个都是我胡编乱造夸大其词的：1，大家都说西班牙语，导致我理解障碍，无法正常完成工作。2，人人越级找老总，导致我的作用无法发挥。3，作为国际学生，工作签证是一比不小的开支。
很快老板来短信，要求聊聊。反驳了我说的那些不是理由的理由，再三要求我留下……
一夜辗转反侧。
一早上班，老板就我说的3点钟最重要的1点进行改进，我可以很明显体会：凡进入办公室者，必说英语。中午，他带我去吃饭，讨论了其他问题，第二点，据他说，公司正在改革阶段，各部门马上就会有效执行命令。第三点，他说根本不是问题，如果钱能解决，不惜代价留住我。他甚至说，只要我喜欢这个工作，他可以先帮我申请签证，如果后期改革不见成效，我还是想走，绝对尊重我，不过希望我等到搬到新办公室后。
下午他还特地带我去看了新office，他的安排是我会有自己的独立办公室（其他销售和仓管都是整体进行分割的大厅）。虽然办公室离他的也很近，可是没他在旁边我总觉得不踏实。他是我对这个公司唯一留恋的因素。
快窒息了，我想我是很矛盾……

all set

Today I got my first car, it's not that new, but happy with it. Basically, for me, as long as it's running, that's fine :) Till now, life starts getting better, with nice appt, my own car, stable payment. The last thing left, which is the job, still pending for the better desicion. But many people said, I already made the desicion, the only thing I'm thinking is a good excuse for my boss. Yes, I guess that ture. Sorry for that, but I have to go!

loving it

Time flies, it has been 4 weeks since I worked in M. Really love working there and working for him.
---I can learn a lot from him everyday. He would teach me without holding back.
--- He trusts me, let me do everything on purchasing, and invest on me for training.
---He has great personality, at least I love that. Positive, confident, lots of sales and revenue. For me, the company should be his, because he does 98% of the main things.
---He does everything, janitor, mechanic, sales,mantenance, purchaser....for me he can fix everything, that's what man means to me.
---When he does everything above, I just feel everything on him is perfect. He looks handsome, he smells good....
But today , when I got confirmation from Haar, I wasn't that happy as I should be.
And when I know after we are moving, I can't be as close to him as now I am, I'm just not that happy :( I really need his help in business and in confidence. I work much better when he is in the office!
Trust me, if one day, I'm leaving you, because I really don't have other choice, and my heart is broken...

First week in M

上周三开始的正式工作，感觉还不错，3个工作日，其中2天是上了半天。不是那么累，老板也对我不错，还出钱要我去培训。起薪比较低，不过这年头找到工作就谢天谢地了，而且日后加的可能性很大。如果没有学校的offer留在这里的可能性还是很大的。可是，学校那边也说得很肯定，这就让我纠结了，唉，看着办吧，等到trouble来的时候再烦吧，安安心心，努力工作，认真学习，不辜负妈妈，老板。

一眼万年

好可悲的感受,遇上错的人还不如从未体验这种感觉.或许我还是那个在天堂幸福快乐的女孩.赚着多多的钱,穿着漂亮的衣服,吃着人间美食…Puuuuuf,一切都风驰电掣的改变了,只因我听了不该听的建议.或者下次定论为时过早,可是在过去的一年中,我真的吃了比过去25年加起来都多的苦.全拜他所赐,这个让我无法忘怀的人!!!很多人说我眼神中有"好胜"之气,对事业也许不错,可对感情并无益处.也许我还不适合表达吧,对于感情,在坚守底线的同时,我能做最大的让步.不过很多时候,一切还是在我掌控之外,怕受伤害的结果就是走得远远的.很多话,不知道该怎么说,还是忘不了….
等啊等,等着学校的回复,想着那时候,为了Monitor那么努力准备,结果还是功败垂成.这次学乖了,不要寄予太大希望.塞翁失马,焉知非福.这次的错过是为了遇到下个完美(不知道,这个定律对于感情适用不!)总之,希望所有的努力,等待,磨难都有所回报!

ups and downs

In the past week, things happened just like rollercoaster, drags my heart up and down. I'm so happy that last Staturday I got the job offer in Moll, it's like of my dream job, purchasing manager. Payment is good, if I pass the provision periode, with all the benefits, I would be content to do that. Then unexpected car scratch made me upset, especially the relationship with his wife, so sick of the people in his family, never ever want to go to the damn hell house again. Then last Wednesday, Jessica called me talking about the opening from Haar. It's such a great opportunity that I never want to miss, now it's on the way it, I know I will get something very nice in the States, for all the pain I had in last year, all gonna paid back. Stick on my dream!

Sooooo sad

I have been waiting for news from MM for 5 days, though people say "no news is good news", b/c at least you are still in the play ground. Actually I know, the longer I wait, the greater possibility I would hear the bad news. And good news always from the phone, bad one will come from the e-mail. It was all like I expected. I got an e-mail from HR noon yesterday. Open it with full preparation, so I would not cry the moment I see the result. Yes, I didn't cry, sometimes I want to cry, b/c I know I'm very sad, but I don't know why, I can't even squeeze a drop of tear, is it b/c I'm too sad to cry or too breave to cry? Anyway, I was sitting in front of the computer, staring at the screen for a while, without doing anything, thinking :1: is it the revenge? 2 bags of cosmetics exchanged my dream job? If I can choose, everyone knows which I would pick! 2:looking for the job just like looking for the relationship with someone, I loved it sooooo much, spent much time and energy on it, then what did I get---- it picked someone else who might not be capable as I am!!! Yes, there is no room for bargain. You have to take the result. I really don't know which part went wrong, I was preparing hard for interview, and they went well from my perspective. The interviewers like me, but it comes out like this, hard to believe!!!
Lost again, I was preparing the move from the beginning of June, coz I was 80% sure I can get the offer with my hard working and preparation, then everything has to be recaltulating, not that bad, at least I have something to do in Miami, is it that hard for me to get out of this city? Puuuuf, hot girl!!! Ok, my next step: riding the mule while looking for the horse:) Maximize my profit!!!

Second round interview

今天下午3点的面试比周一的正式多了。公司采取4人分成2组，轮番的形式。当然昨天知道这4个人，从yu那里得知他们的职位背景。第一轮是，Laurel和Joseph，问的是一些基本知识，如：为何应聘，对公司业务的了解，以前的工作经历，为什么觉得自己能比别人胜任，计算机知识，对公司所在城市的了解，于是就是瞎扯了miami的一切生活。感觉自己好紧张，他们问的问题我都有准备，纸上写的满满的好几页，不过我说的时候眼睛瞄都没有瞄，长度自然大大缩减，不过感觉都答得可以啦！他们给了我时间向他们提问，感觉好快的，差不多15分钟，和我预期的每组20分钟有点差距，通常多说容易给人留下好的印象，不过也不排除多说多错。第一轮，自我感觉：80。
于是他们说后2个人等下会来，我等阿等，差不多等了5分钟，心想怎么还不来，是不是要我挂了电话，他们过一会会打来，于是挂了，过了3分钟，果然来了，这3分钟我想，唉，假设我不该挂电话，他们要是不打来怎么办？难道要我打回去？还好，瞎操心。打来的是Tony和Greg，不知道不是以前通过电话，还是因为和崎崎同名，觉得放松了很多。还是从客服入手，问了我的一些背景经历，如何达到杰出客户满意度。如何面对无理取闹的客户，还问了Alibaba和百度（还好事先有点准备），Tony对喜马拉雅山真的很向往，周一问了今天又问了。最让我开心地是Tony说了如果公司给出机票问我愿意去面试不？真的问题还要答？不愿意我这么多准备不是白做了？！最后就是静候佳音。
昨天下午接到通知就开始准备，还好现在不用上班，早上起来就铺摊子，桌上，墙上，床上，一切可以利用的地方都用了，希望功夫不负有心人，能让我继续前进！不断面试代表我还活着，一定要笑到最后！到一个有雪的四季分明的城市！

漫长的等待……

话说周一早上和部门主管谈了之后，下午又来一个市场部的中文评估。前者一般啦，后者感觉还不错，更多的像是朋友在聊公司的情况，恨不得招聘的是他：）两个电面后一直没有消息，我等阿等，漫长的过程，持续小小的紧张，在家都把电脑开着，时刻查收email，再下去快神经紧张了！人就是一种随着心理变化调节生理变化的动物，我就是典型中的典型！多几次面试真的人都要瘦一圈。真讨厌这种被动的等待，除了坐着对着电脑，其他无能为力，总不可能跑到公司去和他们谈，该说的我都说了，改写的我都写了，不过还是在想能不能多做点什么？很多事情都是赢在细节，当然不包括多做多错，输在细节。Anyway，还是耐心等待！做什么事都有些牵挂，不能全心投入，除了睡觉，当脑子停下来了，应该就不会想得到回复了吧？可是梦还是会发生……

Job hunting 1

Is it because I'm too desperate to get a job, and previously I almost gave up the depressing US job market, there are some hints of job offfer since last week. Though it's only in the first stage---interview, I still feel happy, at least there are something! To be honest, I have never go through formal interview, the nice job I had in China only through my sweet smile. I didn't really talk to any HR or Wu wei officially. Because I did my intern there, and then they keep me as full time employee. Never think about that my first job interview is in the US! I was a little nervous last night, though I have been preparing talk to the department supervisor for 2 days, still... I did some researches, it's a good company,with development potential, they want to develop Aisan market, good pay,plus they sponsor H1B visa. That's really great! The only thing is that the office is in the city where is kind of rural area for me, only 26,000 people, I bet I can hardly find a Chinese there! But any way, I want to get the offer first. So I got up early this morning, phone interview set at 8:30am, I got up 7am to prepare some infomation I need. I kept notes for 2 pages, some assumption questions I think they might ask! BTW, when perparing the company's info, I read lots of "white paper" and cases, it makes me remember the study I did in last 10 months, really good review. Now interview is kind of test for me! I want to do good at it, though I might not take it at last, get A doesn't hurt :) The supervisor called me at 8:32am, a little time difference is ok. We started by greeting!
The questions are very basic, I feel bad about the question of Mount Everest! He is away from TOPIC, it takes 3 times for me to realize what he is asking!!! The rest of them, I feel ok! But just OK, it really depends on how the other candidates perform.
I was neverous at the begining, as long as we start talking, I felt better. If they could give me an on-site interview, I think I can melt them with my warm personality! During the phone interview, I really feel I'm smiling, hope he could feel that too.
Waiting for the result, and feedback from other on-going interview!

Stuck in between

I really feel I screwed this time, for the money, energy and time I spent on this really sucks. I don't why, I hate u the moment I feel lonely, u are not supposed to give me happiness, though I really need it. Never think about hating someone for the rest of my life, but now I decided to do that, for you, the person I loved most during the past 18 month. I don't think I can do that, since I'm a sweet girl, still I would have a try, Hate you everyday!!1 It's so hard for being alone and flighting. I need some help, need some one's help. Never being passive like this in my whole life (as far as I can remember), maybe too many lucky things, I get whatever I want, whoever I need, never being down to the bottom like this. I hate the life now, I hate myself now. I don't know wheather I can get back to the "shining soul" again, but I do miss that girl! Please let her back, let everybody sees her smile, big big smile melts everyone.......

miss u again...

人都是有惰性的，包括思念和回忆！时间是良药，让人忘记痛苦，仇恨。抑或是我很不够坚毅？钱说，他认定了一个人就不放弃，直到得到为止。不知道为什么，虽然他说的是对我，可我一点反感都没有，以前如果有人说这样的话，我一定不跟他说第二句话，因为我知道自己想要什么，不是我的初衷的话，没人有那种能力后天改变我的观念。大概是因为，地域的缘故，我觉得没有任何“威胁”。不过，此话虽然是他对我说的，却让我联想起我对peng，我是不是应该有点他的精神啊：）都说女追男隔层纱，为什么不适用于我啊……不知道这算不算一见钟情，如果这只是形容长相的话，我觉得一定不是，可是他却深深地吸引我那么久，一些很内在的东西，让我很依赖的东西！来到美国是为了证明，喜欢你并不是因为你在美国，是为了证明，这一切都是凭我自己的能力可以实现的。可是这一切的一切有什么用呢，有些话，没有说出口就会永远埋在心底。有点后悔，有点不甘，从来没有fail的历史，为什么是我那么在乎的人给我的呢？！没有你和我聊天，美国很空虚，很黑暗，很讨厌！
开始想和你讲话，开始想看以前的照片，开始给自己找种种借口，想修复，可不确定靠我的能力可以修复到什么程度，对你，实在没什么把握！无聊，荒唐，可笑的孩子，好了伤疤忘了痛！道理我都清楚明白，可还是傻傻的希望奇迹的发生！

2 weeks

转眼上班2周了，是不是虚度的光阴特别快啊，每天朝十晚六（迈阿密的日照太丰富了，什么事都推迟），不过挺喜欢这样的作息，至少可以睡个小小的懒觉，每天充足的8小时睡眠果然不错：）必读书的时候轻松多了，生理和心理上都是，很规律的作息时间。工作量也不大，因为很多和我以前做的有相同之处，上手很快。和上课比起来，没有那么多的homework，group meeting，sweet……老板准备的午餐都让我吃的10分饱，很多时候晚餐都可以skip了。
虽然总体还ok，可是工作前景还是令人堪忧，如果说我来美国是学习国际企业管理经验的话，这个工作是差的太远了，multination big company，puuuf，where is it?!如果在这里有个稳定的男朋友，这样工作我也就安心了，可是有太多其他不定因素，与其坐以待毙，不如先发制人……

First Job

Finally I finished 8 months and half study, that's the most difficult periode in my life, but I'm glad that I made it. Look back, it's tough, but still happy.
Tomorrow I will start my first job in the U.S, I don't know wheather I'm born to be in the tourism industry, I did make some money in China with my hard-working and diligent, and now it seems I will continue to contribute in the same industry but different country. I don't know if I can get work visa, but I do really want to go back to China this fall, coz two of my best friends are getting married and I miss my family. What bother me most is that, if I'm going back to China with my OPT, I may not be able to get visa back to the U.S. If, only if, I'm fortunate enough to get work visa, which is effective from 1st Oct, that would be the best situation. Pray for that.
Personally, I don't care to live in the U.S or not, as long as my mum is happy, I'm fine. Now I have to figure out how to pick her here, to let her experience the life in America, if she really likes here, I have to work hard to make her dream come true. Since I don't have other significant other to consider, things are way easier than the people who have. My friends always said how they admire me, to fulfill my dream, to live in a different life. But they don't know, since I came out, I really want a simple life, a easy happiness.
Wish me good luck, all from tomorrow!!!

思念...

前天看了<宫心计>1集半,哭得我稀里哗啦,决定放弃.想起了几年前陪着妈妈看<金枝欲孽>,差不多的情节只是我不能做到当初的事情.
一个人在遥远的国度,想得比较多,爸爸的天堂是我的地域!
听着twins的<你看得见吗>,想起的我的爷爷,好久没去看你了,我知道你一定认不出我了.为什么我不能好好的孝顺你们?
大姐和瑾10月都要结婚了,一定争取会来,见证最好的朋友的幸福时刻!
我好想你们啊!

almost done

Eventually, finally, I'm almost done with this torturing program, look back what I did in last 8 months, maybe the most difficult time in my life, both in psycal and physical, but still happy that I made it, thankful to all the people who helped me on the way. Even I didnt' figure out what to do next, where to go in 3 months, still, life is adventrous, whenever I met difficulities, think about my life in the U.S, everything would be fine. The thing I want to do most, right now, is going back home for somedays, I don't mind to take more adventrous later, but please charge me with family nutrution for some days, thanks ... I miss my mum, my family! Life is tough...

Will China rise peacefully? Nooooooooo..

The School of International and Public Affairs presents “Will China Rise Peacefully?” with University of Chicago professor John Mearsheimer. The lecture is part of the prestigious Ruth K. and Shepard Broad Distinguished Lecture Series.
This afternoon I went to the lecture, it was great, I enjoyed it. Though sometimes, I can feel the arrogence and ignorence of Ameircan...
About his lectuer:
Part 1,5 assumptions: a, there is only one super States. b, some countries have power to influence the stability of the world. c, No country has the idea about intention of other country (temperory intention is not =future intention). d, for every country the highest goal is survive. e,Every country tries to be the rational thinker.
Part 2, a, fear of other powerful country's rise. b, when 2 countries have conflict, no 911 could help, so help yourself. c, how to help oneself, by threat others
Part 3, breif America history. This is related with why America is and still want to be super power country. From 1783-1853 is the independent period for the country, they work hard to be independent, kick French, Spanish, English out of the States. From 1853-1900, expore Europe. In 1900-2000, poweful countries: imperial German, Nazi German, Japan, Sovereign Union. America tried its best to impede the rise of these countries. 顺我者昌，逆我者亡！！！
I feel China can hardly escape this fate, horrible. China has many problems,like bord with Japan,Korea, India, Vietnam, Russia. the territory problem: Taiwan, Tibet. economic problem: U.S's pressure, population problem: after 2050 China would turn to a OLD society... Of course, many of them are artificial, because it's developing too fast, there are many countries are nervous, like America and Japan. So they would make many problems to hinder China's development. Reasonable !!!
I'm proud for being a Chinese, but I'm worried about the future of the country. The only thing I could do maybe is learn as much as possible in States and contribute to China. But I don't have any idea about the specific things I should do to make things different. Only with my passion, but where is the path?!

relax, life is a journey, enjoy...

Life is a short & long journey, try to enjoy every place you have been, every nice person you met, and everything you did. I was reading "just enough", it's a good book. Before I picked it, I thought it might have negative effect on me, because as a typical Asian, I'm not that greedy on money as most Americans. Pursuiting happiness is the most important in one's life, instead of money. But I would believe, many things are set by destiney, the only thing we could do is try our best, and leave the rest of it for fate. I do admit, I messed up the relationship with him. To be honest, I really don't know how to work it out.
There is only one month left, time flys, I could vividly recall everything happened in the first month when I arrived in the U.S. No matter wheather I would stay or leave after I finish my study, there is no regret. Appreciate every person who helped me in last few months, the time in the U.S. is the most difficult in my life till now. But I learnt many things, learn to cook, learn to live alone, learn to be dependent, learn to appreciate. If it's not mine, don't push, there will be something sweet for me, I believe I deserve it.

良师益友……

这次学乖了，任何能给我巨大快乐的事，都有可能紧接着让我痛彻心肺的事。
天哪，你不是听到我的心愿了，还是你看到了，我的痛，觉得这样的惩罚对我来说够了！谢谢你啊，把这个这个良师益友，这个能让我振作，发挥最大能量的人还给我了！今天听到隔壁小两口还在讨论学术问题，虽然是计算机白痴，不过道理我能懂，枕边人容易找，良师益友难求。
真的需要指导，需要鼓励了，迷路的我想家，想哭。通常我是不会这样的。
唯一的心愿，唯一的期望，放弃所有的一切追求，结果让我输的那么彻底。天哪，你也不忍心吧！很难抉择，知道自己傻自己笨，对着他自己会再一次犯同样的错误。可是还是情不自禁想重来，存电话，加好友，早知今日何必当初！？不过我是真的很想他啦！已经觉得自己很不容易了，控制那么久，不知道还能坚持几天，不过我会努力的，直到有一天完全崩溃！

心很累，很想家

最近老是觉得运气不好，所有的坏事都一起来。从和他关系处理失败开始，家教，工作，驾照，一系列事情都让我头疼。老天啊，请你平均分配一下吧，让我从天堂坠入地狱，我的承受能力真的有限啊……本意不是这样,可是看看被我搞成什么样了,不想让他有任何负担,压力,只想让他知道他在我心中的地位,任何困难只要有他的鼓励,指导,我一定能克服的.可是那番话言者无意,听者有心.背道而驰,适得其反,所有的副作用都起效了...我都在想,自己是不是做错了,如果可以重来,我还是想表达同样的意思,只是应该用什么方法把事情解决的更好.难道这就是所谓的"缘尽于此"?!我还能改变什么吗?不惜一切代价!
终于觉得一个人在外面很久了，想家了，想抱抱妈妈,看看爷爷了。以前觉得自己是女孩中坚强的,承受能力是超强的,再苦再累回家就没事了.不过毕竟我还是妈妈的宝宝，只有在杭州才能为所欲为的任性，在家里，在工作中,那真是我的paradise。一个人出来才知道“隐忍”，很多事情太无奈，没有比较不知道“幸福”是什么味道。可是现在事以至此，我还能怎么样？想过一千个一万个“如果”，可是没有退路。一个人走的真的好辛苦啊……

do you hear me?!

Do you hear me? My lord! I would do anything to get him back. It's in equibilibrium. The more happiness I retrieve from other things, the fewer I could get from you. I thought you heard me, so you sent me the letter from a company in Kansas city. I thought you heard from you, so you sent me an message under his name. I thought you heard from me, so you know how much I miss him, how much I would want to repair this relationship (no matter what price I have to pay for). I thought you heard from me: it's raining heavily outside. I want to get home. RIGHT NOW!!!

Jessica‘s wedding

偶然发现小骆同学的结婚照，很美啊，终于知道，摄影师的魔力了，弄得我也很想去拍，不过找人，减肥先哈哈……真心的祝福他们，一路走来不容易啊，迫于家庭社会的压力，4年的风风雨雨，异地“作战”，终于修成正果，这算不算感动上天啊？某种程度上觉得我和小骆还是有点像，虽然都是南方的孩子，不过都有点毅力，有点倔强。唯一不同的是，没她那么好运气，她能找到一个愿意陪她风雨一路走来的好男人，就算逆境中也有人一起分担，再苦再累也无所谓。我们，都只愿为自己欣赏的人作出任何让步，不勉强，不牵强。可是，人各有命，不是每个人都有相同的结局。不过希望以前的姐妹都能幸福快乐……如果能在杭州参加他们的婚礼该有多好啊……

知道我想要的又怎样？

他总是说我不知道自己想要什么，总是为别人而活。可是我不觉得这样很累，看到自己喜欢的人开心我就开心了。有时候知道自己想要的却得不到反而更痛苦。我喜欢静静的生活，偶尔有点波澜。美国中西部的生活挺适合我的，生活节奏不那么快，不过能在大城市找到一点现代的感觉。不用考虑去kansas工作生活，反而有点迷失方向，以前一直为了能和他在一起作为自己努力的目标，现在美国对我来说真的毫无吸引力。特别是今天知道刘10月1号结婚，而如果我在美国工作的话，很有可能不能参加她的婚礼，高中最好的姐妹，真的不想错过一生一次的纪念。人生总是有很多无奈，很多无能为力……

新的开始

今天搬家了，虽然不是我提议的，不过这个地方我还挺喜欢的，不错的外围环境和内部构造，小了点，不过很干净。很高兴自己一直在进步，每一个跨越都值得骄傲，不是吗？！以我的能力，一定会越来越好的……
今天搬过来的，小两口好温馨噢，原来84的爱情也能这样，男的工作养家，女的做全职太太，做饭洗衣，日子不富裕，可是很温馨。虽然这也不是我想要的生活，真的给我这样的日子说不定我也3天就厌了。家庭事业平衡，有质量的生活才是我想要的。
一直摆脱不了心中的他，一直在问自己，好好的一件事怎么我被我弄成这样呢？总是很自责，总觉得问题出在我身上，总是责怪自己处事怎么这么不成熟，弄得他这么厉害的人都没有挽回的能力。6/2到现在，23天没讲话了，28也就是今天，使我给自己设的最后期限，从今以后不看他的FB，不给他发msn即时消息，（尽管都已经删了），不给自己找各种各样的借口恢复我们之前的关系，这是一条不归路，我也早知道这样的结局，有了心理准备，可始终还是脆弱啊，知道肯定能过这一关，翻翻之前的日志，就当他找到自己的幸福吧，还是退回到陌生人的位置祝福他……

show me your value, I'll show you the money

承认美国是个很物质的社会，money talks。某种程度上来说我还是很适应这种游戏规则的。不过大概是在我能赚很多钱的时候（比如在中国）。都说了人不能向后看，原因有2吧，1是过去太辉煌了，2是往事不堪回首。我绝对是属于第一种情况，在事业感情发展都不错，不知道当时怎么会头脑发热到这种程度，走火入魔了，来到这个传说中用钱覆盖的国度。一个失业率走高的过度，一个4万美金算高薪的国度（除去日常开资，不知道能存多少钱，和我离乡背井，承受巨大心理压力的报酬不成正比），一个压力巨大的国度，不过看待压力有两种角度，一个动力的角度是比较积极的，不过只有在正面的催化剂的作用下，现在我的催化剂挥发了：（
不喜欢选择，特别是自己一个人面对。不想成为太精明的business girl, 这个头衔通常给women的.留在小公司？去大公司？
学到更多东西，更多主动权，面临tight financial budget，责任更大。
一板一眼，按部就班，有保障，不犯大错就是安全。
如果我能听听你的意见那该多好啊……我又想你了！！！
我发现自己现在很依靠别人，连读书也是，小泰没有在finance的课程，让我对自己都没了信心，以前总想，I'll be fine, because everything I don't know, he knows and he will make me know. Now even I can ask others, it's not the same feeling, I didn't feel that resured withouth him standing behind me..
ok , since it's a hyper-pression coutry, I still have to work tomorrow! Go girl!

匿名的好友

今天在看新闻的时候，忽然看到旅游版---泰国和马拉西亚，想起了和他聊起过的一起去度假的地方。现在想想真讽刺，连话都不说的好朋友，不知什么时候才能实现的假期，或许只能成为这辈子的等待吧。虽然以前想到这样的结果，尽管知道自己处理问题的方式不够妥当，可是，实在不知道应该怎样面对，失之交臂的幸福……还是很想他……
很多时候出国对人来说最大的考验是孤独，离开家人离开朋友，再坚强的人也会承受不了。有些人还是不能接受，有些事还是不能轻易尝试，不知道为什么我为什么那么看重责任，总觉得必须对别人负责，不一定为了别人，也为了自己不会有报应哈哈，我不希望今后被抛弃：）不随便牵手，也不轻易放手。

又一对走进围城的^^

今天看到一个高中同学的日志,知道他结婚的喜讯,很替他高兴,也很替自己着急.在国内的时候,曾经追过我的人都一个个结婚,唉,是我失败还是缘分没到呢.总觉得自己收尾工作做得很好,没有牵连的事,因为很清楚自己要的类型,所以不必要在没有希望的人身上浪费彼此时间.我是属于那种,不可能由于试试看最终走向终点的人,除非是我想要的,不然没有什么奇迹.可是问题也就出在这里,我想要的人未必想要我,或者说,男人都一样,太容易得到的东西就不珍惜.承认自己太着急,原本可能完美的结局被我弄得没法挽回.人家都劝我不用急,这个年龄,这个背景,不会找不到的,不过我还是真的挺希望和他在一起,从小就希望有那种谈很长时间的恋爱,然后结婚的,不过随着年龄的增长,这个可能性真的不大,唉...命该如此...真心的祝愿那些特殊的朋友(彼此心中有种特殊的隔阂),能找到自己的幸福.我知道,他们没有我出色,哈哈,不过两个人真心相爱最终要了.得到一个人,得不到她(他)的心是没有意义的.还是觉得自己是个好人,为什么就不能得到我要的东西呢?!

结束我漂泊的生活

来美国的第一个春节，当然这里过节气氛不那么浓，国内的妈妈一定挺想我的，爸也说24年，都跟我一起过的年30，就今年我远在他乡。每逢佳节倍思亲……不过对我来说最重要的还是稳定，像他们说的，我真的不知道自己想在哪里定居，这是我最大的问题，以前还有他作为我强大的动力，现在更加自由，也更加不知方向了……以前一心想留在美国，想找kansas的工作，现在都不知道何去何从，迷茫……没有了大方向，不断给自己制定小小的目标，今天不断研究case，看文章，希望充实自己，其实是不想想那些无谓的事情。2010啊，请让我停止这漂泊的生活，和我爱的家人在一起吧……

勇敢

逼自己勇敢,逼自己坚强,逼自己看书,逼自己看wsj,逼自己忙碌,逼自己不去想.可是眼泪还是情不自禁的落下.

如果这个是结果

如果这是我们最终的定局，我想告诉你，我那时真是很爱你。不是一时冲动，就算一时，1年也够长的了。看看以前的日志，真的不觉得1年那么长，可是那的确是我爱你的期限。2010年2月13。我不是15岁，对于love的定义我还是可以非常准确的。只怪我们的步调不一致，错过的人或事是不能重来的，任何单方面的努力都是徒劳。
如果这是我们最终的定局，我想告诉你，我不是对所有人都是那种态度的。我不会什么事情都听别人的。不要把幸福当成理所当然。我想这也是为什么不是所有人都喜欢我的原因吧，因为我不希望，我只会努力让我喜欢的人也喜欢我，其他人无所谓啦……
如果这是我们最终的定局，我真的很难过，因为你的质疑。你可以保留你对我任何主观的态度，可是你不能质疑我对你的看法，不用强调时间的长短，感情和事件无关，一切感觉不需要时间做催化剂。
如果这是我们最终的定局，很遗憾，本来可以更长远的……

希望是最后的quater

今天是春季quarter第一天,早上8点的课,很痛苦,不过想想这学期就是周一周二可怜一点,其它时间还是可以睡睡懒觉.还有2个半月就可以选择工作或是继续读书,我有点迫不及待,不是读书得料哈哈...这个quarter的小组名单今天也知道了,还算过得去.和其中一个我们觉得长得不错的oscar一起,最好的选择当然是chris,即努力学习人又帅...
就在我写日志的时候,收到我最不想受到的邮件.心很痛,很久没有这种感觉了.也不想在尝试了,于是删了所有和他有关的联系方式,msn messager, webpage,FB,手机号码... 希望没有残余了.至今才发现原来这是一个做了很久的梦,醒来的那一刻有一种锥心的痛.我知道我是一时冲动,我知道他不像其他人能让我挽回这个决定,所以在我暗下每一颗键的时候我都和自己说,这一切都是不能倒退的.我要逼自己坚强,让自己勇敢,所有的一切都会过去.我会用工作和学习让自己忘却.我发誓!!! 我知道我会变得很出色,在学习上,工作上!!! 我知道那个词不能随便用,可我是真的爱你. 不想成为谁的负担，我明明靠自己就能过得很好，世界上不是非要有谁才能活下去的。从小就听不了别人的重言重语，不知道这是优点还是缺点，不过有时候还是挺喜欢自己这样的性格——坚强。作了决定就不后悔，明天一切都会过去的,失去的一切,我会从其它地方弥补...不过错过的东西永远不会回来...不回头,不后悔.

need frim & solide attitude!!!

Last 3 days might be the best days after I came to U.S. I love the weather, the dream Disney world and of course all that because of Pong, still I don't know why I love him that much, I just want to be with him, it makes me feel good even without talking. He is different type of person than I am. He is prudent while I'm impetuous. He uses his sense I use my sensibility. He doesn't look like the type I would love, but unfortunately that's the truth.... I know I'm strange, I don't like Miami, but the day we went to downtown, it looks acceptable. I don't think the sea here is that beautiful, but I was intoxicated when we visited there. And it comes to the conclusion I made before(when I visited Yunnan), it's the matter of the person not the view.
I'm 100% percent sure what I need and what life I want. Study and work are good way to keep up with the society and enrich myself. But compare with being a successful business woman, I'd rather being a good wife and mother, of course, I need to reach certain level in my career. I'm a little sad, maybe it's because I'm getting order, I care family more than personal work success. And I just want to stay with the person I love, even though it's a hard path. Sometimes I feel like a silly girl---- giving up good and easy choise, pursuing the uncertainty . The path of happiness, is like a dark road full of bramble, I need to hold your hand, being firm and brave. Both of us should be confident that we will make it.
Tomorrow is going to be the first day of 3rd quarter, I feel heavy pressure with so much study and work. But I know I will be fine, everything will be done, if I decided to do it.
Wish me good luck , wish me get the happiness.

a strange dream

Yesterday, I dreamt of my grandma, she was alive and told me she would die in half year, and something else, like I should work hard, be nice to grandpa and my parents. It' s kind of wierd, maybe it's the first time in America I had this kind of dream, when I woke up this morning, I miss my grandpa, a little worried about him. I really want to take good care of him, but.... limited ability... even can't be with my mum. Last time, when I talked to mum, she said she just want to live me, no matter where it is and what the condition is. Yes, I do miss her too, if I could only take one person from China, I would definitely take her, not only because she can take care of my children, but I love her...
And pong, the person I care most in States, the reason for me stay, the unpredictable person, is coming tonight, in one hour and half. It's so close and so far away. We are going to spend next 3 days together, almost every singal minute, but I feel like I will not be that lucky. Because I'm using the "credit " for future. We might not meet in the rest of life. Suppose, destiny is set, we could only have one week together, then we already used 3 days, there are 4 more left... Of course, I hope it's just my silly assumption, it's all subjected to our destiny. Hope the expectancy is the rest of our life... Nervous...

some personal idea

The reasons I like U.S.
1, nice , well educated people
2, clean air (even though I can't smell it), but I like the bule sky, and bunch of huge white cloud
3, nice shopping mall, reasonable luxrious brand products
4, reasonable price for house and cars. Or maybe I should say, good payment...
5, free information access, on the internet, I can get almost all the information I need, without worrying about government block anything
6, the person I loved is living here

The reason I don't like U.S
1, tooooo sweet food, way toooooo much. I really don't want to try any sweet food after I go back to China.
2,my family and good friends couldn't all move here, I fell lonely in spare time, so only thing I could do is working hard, don't waste time on missing them
3, everyone seems to be busy, it's not easy to make friends(even with Chinese), I get easily ask my friends out when I was in China, but here I went to mall by myself

The reasons I like China
Basicaly, it's the reverse reason as I don't like U.S.
1, I could get good job, being a happy "xiaozi"
2, nice markets, nice design bags, good quality, incredible cheap price
3, my family, my friends, (this weights a lot...)
4, lots of fun place to hang out

The reasons I don't like China
1,People sometimes are rediculous, quite annoy...
2, tooo expensive house, I really have no idea, how can I buy app in Hangzhou with my good payment. My monthly salary was RMB10,000, the app is RMB15,000 per square meter in fair location.

Soon I have to make decision for staying in U.S or not. So far, I really have no idea about it. Why do I have to say yes or no, can anyone else help me out?
Thank everyone who helped me and try to help me, there are so many different cities on my lists, Sue and Mike's PA, Laura's New Orleans, Anjea's TN and Chicago, but the very place I want to go is Kansas, hope I can make it....

live everyday like a ful glass of wine

Officially done for second quarter. Acctually as I finished paper and CF tests earlier, Tuesday after OB test, I was kind of relieved. But there are several days class and workshop, so now I'm free. So far , I like John best, even though I only got A- for his class, still happy to be his student. Learnt some knowledge and philosophy. "Life is only about today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow you don't know if it's yours, the only thing you can do is live best in TODAY" It's easy to understand, but not everyone can do. Tomorrow is going to be my first work day, when everyone is planing to travel, I'm still working on draft. OMG, am I doing the very right thing Pro. told us, fully using today!!!
It makes me feel content, because he is coming . I don't know why, my friends always say my creteria is too high, (the man I listed as C, they would say B...). To be honest, I don't feel how great he is, but still love him a lot... Yesterday , I was talking with friends in China, said he is the most urgely man I have ever loved, but maybe the person attracts me most and longest(from China to States), because inner mind lasts longer that superficial things ? He always could give me wise advise, I really feel good after talk to him, since the first time we met... I'm not sure , if it's love, maybe I feel him more like a support... still he is the strongest drive makes me here to States and I believe he could be the motivation for my staying, because personally I don't have any preference to stay in U.S. or go back to China, if I want, I can live better in China, with my family, my friends, and lots of fun place... But for him, I would stay, even though that means I have to work hard everyday, as long as he is by my side, I'm fine.

年纪大了就喜欢读这些文章

　1、视爱情为生活奢侈品：有最好，没有也能活。（看到这个，就想到你）

　2、若工作计划与男友约会档期冲突，取前者----前者不会辜负你，且越老越不会。

　3、签任何合同之前至少看三遍----最具挑战性的合同是婚约。

　4、努力,随缘。

　5、每日记帐。

6, 酒吧里认识的男子就不必留电话了。

　7、若连续六个月每月置衫超过十件，考虑买房。

　8、自己开车，车子比男人好的地方是：它不会自己跑掉----当然它可能被偷，但你可以买保险，男人则不能买保险。

　9、买保险。

　10、如果不幸你爱的男子有另一个女人，无论是老婆，未婚妻或女朋友，请不要动念头和她“见面谈一下”，没必要---即时走人！

　11、永远不要问这个问题：“为什么不爱我？”

12、男人对自己的好色就象律师对罪犯：明知有罪也要辩护---你知道就是啦。

　13、没有任何事，任何人会重要到需要你过了半夜12点还苦想不睡。

　14、可以去相亲，但事先一定打听清楚对方的尊姓大名----否则连续三个周末梳妆打扮齐整，跟着不同的红娘羞答答去见同一个无聊男子，那实在太戏剧性了。

　15、务必结交三五死党(同性最好)，否则有可能在头疼脑热时要汤没汤要水没水最后把嘴伸进热带鱼缸或马桶内解渴，或心脏病突发死在床上八天都没人发觉。

　16、真诚微笑，别怕皱纹。

　17、获得智慧，需以青春为代价。

18、元宵节，中秋节，情人节若无节目可主动要求加班----免得出门触景生情或回家独自神伤，且给老板一个好印象。

19、学会做几个好菜。

　20、已结婚的前男友打电话来问最近好不好----说好。

　21、过去，童话故事是以“很久很久以前”开头的，现在，童话故事是以“如果我还没有结婚”开头的，你已经过了听童话的年龄了。

　22、爱你的工作，不要爱上你的上司。

　23、不要动念头做单亲妈妈---孩子不需要父亲，但你需要一个照顾孩子的人，非常需要有人照顾。

　24、有望得到的要努力，无望得到的不介意，则无论输赢，姿态都会好看。

　24、其实，人生即使有伴也是寂寞的----不如及早培养兴趣，中年之后，种花养鱼。

　25、有人称赞你年轻，还是应该高兴的。

　26、谈恋爱就象打麻将，不认真没乐趣，太认真易伤心----培养点游戏精神。

　27、不必对新男友坦白过去，如果爱他，尤其不必。

　28、真喜欢一样东西，就买吧。

　29　、中年发迹而离婚的男人求婚，说不。

30、对于一个错误的诺言，你要有勇气违背它。

　31、大事坚持原则，小事学会变通。

　32、培养些小小的好习惯，比如早睡，比如饭后漱口，比如喝淡茶，比如工间操----好习惯如同零钱罐，每天放一点，年终会惊喜。

　33、任何东西都不能以健康做交换。

　34、一个人是否可靠，全看你用什么样的手段控制他。

　35、一切都不需争论，只需给出结果。

　36、男人总是向不把他看在眼里的女人献殷勤----命运也是。

　37、想满意，自己做，菩萨合掌念菩萨，求人不如求己。

　38、不要借钱，若一定要借，借银行。

　39、不要借给人钱，若一定要借，别打算他还。

40、学着理财，即使不是你学的专业。

　41、别用男朋友的生日做密码----常常换，很烦的。

　42、太在意一个男人往往得不到他----钱也一样。

　43、床买大一点，可以横着睡，枕头要两个，枕一个，抱一个。

　44、床头放本好书。

　45、床上用品一定要品质好的，男人也是一种床上用品。

46、每天大笑几次对身体好----若没人给你讲笑话，看《猫和老鼠》。

　47、找一项有兴趣的体育活动并坚持。

转

1.几米说: 当你喜欢我的时候，我不喜欢你,当你爱上我的时候，我喜欢上你, 当你离开我的时候，我却爱上你,是你走得太快，还是我跟不上你的脚步, 我们错过了诺亚方舟,错过了泰坦尼克号,错过了一切的惊险与不惊险,我们还要继续错过. 我不了解我的寂寞来自何方，但我真的感到寂寞。你也寂寞，世界上每个人都寂寞，只是大家的寂寞都不同吧。
2.莎士比亚说: 再好的东西都有失去的一天。再深的记忆也有淡忘的一天。再爱的人，也有远走的一天。再美的梦也有苏醒的一天。该放弃的决不挽留。该珍惜的决不放手，分手后不可以做朋友，因为彼此伤害过！也不可以做敌人，因为彼此深爱过。
3.张小娴说: 爱，从来就是一件千回百转的事。不曾被离弃，不曾受伤害，怎懂得爱人？
4.三毛说: 一个朋友很好，两个朋友就多了一点，三个朋友就未免太多了。知音，能有一个已经很好了，不必太多，如果实在没有，还有自己，好好对待自己，跟自己相处，也是一个朋友…
5.雪小禅说: 我以为终有一天，我会彻底将爱情忘记，将你忘记，可是，忽然有一天，我听到了一首旧歌，我的眼泪就下来了，因为这首歌，我们一起听过。
6.梓色心晴说: 男人哭了，是因为他真的爱了~ 女人哭了，是因为她真得放弃了~ 。”
7.玄漪说: 能够说出的委屈，便不算委屈；能够抢走的爱人，便不算爱人。
8.张爱玲说: 爱情本来并不复杂，来来去去不过三个字，不是我爱你、我恨你，便是算了吧、你好吗、对不起。
9.马云说: 晚上想想千条路,早上醒来走原路.
10.郭敖说: 每个人一生之中心里总会藏着一个人，也许这个人永远都不会知道，尽管如此，这个人始终都无法被谁所替代。而那个人就像一个永远无法愈合的伤疤，无论在什么时候，只要被提起，或者轻轻的一碰，就会隐隐作痛。
11.张小娴说: 如果没法忘记他，就不要忘记好了。真正的忘记，是不需要努力的。
12.人非草木说: 再丑的人也能结婚，再美的人也会单身！
13.张爱玲说: 因为爱过，所以慈悲；因为懂得，所以宽容。

我的幸福呢？

刚刚看了http://msn.yoka.com/women/feel/love/2010/0119299722.shtml ，和朋友在聊天，说我们来美国求学的女人，最多只能达到1-2条幸福标准，是啊，每天忙碌着，混乱着，不幸福着……
幸福那么远又那么近，以前奇奇哥哥说过，一个女人最重要知道自己到底要什么。可是，知道有什么用，不是我要就有的。而且很多事，和努力无关，命运就是不能讲价的。
为什么我还是会激动，我不是应该很平静的接受一切。不管他来不来，与我何干？很难说清楚自己的感觉。一直劝别人，恋爱这种事不能太调，差不多就行了。对那个我对不起的人说声：抱歉（如果你可以接收）。因为我实在不想勉强自己，（是不是有点自私啊），或者说是有点原则。我义无反顾地执着……
不上课3天都有点闲散了，终于明白，像我这样自制能力超强的人也会有偷懒的时候，不过总的来说还不错，至少把paper都写完了，明天继续复习……

注定的结局

7个月，时间留下了什么？
苍老，回忆，苦涩，思念……
一年的隐忍只为这一天？
幸福，甜蜜，惋惜，悲叹……
挥之不去的印象，没有兑现的诺言。
当一切尘埃落定，我们又能挽回什么？
得失之间，坠落之前。
请让我用一生的时间，换这最后一次回眸的瞬间！

Cold

miami下雪了，就像海南下雪了，闻所未闻……可事实就是发生了。天哪，5度我还是穿一件Tshirt，一件外套。可怜的被冻感冒了。来美国第一次生病，没想像中的凄凉，大概因为习惯了吧，一切都要独立，靠自己，小小的感冒算不了什么的。真正的困难还在后面呢，马上就要打来的intern和工作，什么都困难，什么都要靠我自己，唉……

25....

不小心，跨入20中期了，很尴尬的年纪……早就定下了2010的目标，忘记年龄，忘记痛苦，继续努力。
最近很多美国领养家庭都和我重新取得联系，很好客的邀请我去他们那里玩。1没空，2没钱。现在我最想去的地方就是disney和NY。不过一切都要等到我工作有着落才能计划。唉，还是很迷茫，不知道在哪里找工作好，感觉找一份工作应该不难，就是要找到一步到位的很难。

2010

很不舍得Ian,不过还是必须面对分离.早上6点多的飞机回到miami,一切照常,热^^.马不停蹄的搬家,曲折啊,没车的痛苦…一切安顿已是晚上8点.终于有点成就.有了自己的空间.一理才发现自己又那么多衣服,可平时还是觉得没衣服穿.女人啊,衣柜里永远缺衣服.

短短一天,Ian给我打了2个电话.我知道他想我,我也想他,人都是有感情的动物,相处了12天,不容易的.希望他在家里能幸福,越长越帅哈哈.

希望自己在新的一年里,能完成学业,找到工作,找到归宿. 艰巨的目标,不过总算是有意义的人生吧.不像2008年觉得人生失去方向.2009年初,遇到了一个对我影响我巨大的人,2009年末,知道他心有所属.2009年8月10号,踏上了这片陌生的土地,寻求人生第一次探索.最艰辛的半年.如果这就是成长的过程,那么2009年我学的最多.学会忍耐,学会吃苦,学会知道一切都不是理所当然的.路途还很漫长,希望我能胜利^^

一个人的新年，一个人的生日，一个人成就……

2010

很不舍得Ian,不过还是必须面对分离.早上6点多的飞机回到miami,一切照常,热^^.马不停蹄的搬家,曲折啊,没车的痛苦…一切安顿已是晚上8点.终于有点成就.有了自己的空间.一理才发现自己又那么多衣服,可平时还是觉得没衣服穿.女人啊,衣柜里永远缺衣服.

短短一天,Ian给我打了2个电话.我知道他想我,我也想他,人都是有感情的动物,相处了12天,不容易的.希望他在家里能幸福,越长越帅哈哈.

希望自己在新的一年里,能完成学业,找到工作,找到归宿. 艰巨的目标,不过总算是有意义的人生吧.不像2008年觉得人生失去方向.2009年初,遇到了一个对我影响我巨大的人,2009年末,知道他心有所属.2009年8月10号,踏上了这片陌生的土地,寻求人生第一次探索.最艰辛的半年.如果这就是成长的过程,那么2009年我学的最多.学会忍耐,学会吃苦,学会知道一切都不是理所当然的.路途还很漫长,希望我能胜利^^

一个人的新年，一个人的生日，一个人成就……